My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
