i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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