a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
