hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
