i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
