just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You are the jesus of drinking
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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