I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize