Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
