that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
