there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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