i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
