Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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