If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being āgoodā and 10 being ābanging a studentās fatherā, how bad is it that Iām banging a studentās father?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
