i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
