Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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