I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
