i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
