So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
