at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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