i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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