I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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