Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
