Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
