you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
