I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
