like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
