So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
