Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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