I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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