Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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