Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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