Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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