My friends, they love my intelligence
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
