Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
