her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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