My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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