FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
