My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
that's an acceptable place to lick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
