I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
