i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
