I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
