Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my sisters under your porch take her home
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
