Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
