how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
