My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
