I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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