there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
