The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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