My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
