From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
