phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
