oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
