drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
where are my eyebrows?
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