How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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