had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
vagina is talking i cant
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
