I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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