3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
