JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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