I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
