Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
