Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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