At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
