you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
