We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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