My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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