They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
