So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
