1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize