If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So squirting runs in the family.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
