My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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