Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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