I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
