You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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