i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
