my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
