goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
