She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
