I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
