**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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