Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
