I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You took a bar mat shot.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
