I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
